


Soon May the Wellerman Come

by emo_sunshine42



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adult Dipper Pines, Adult Mabel Pines, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Background Mabcifica, Background Pacifica Northwest, Bill Cipher Being Bill Cipher, Bill Cipher is a Jerk, Bisexual Dipper Pines, Blood and Injury, Captain Bill Cipher, Captain Dipper Pines, Crossdressing, Crossdressing Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines Is Not Amused, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Historical Inaccuracy, Human Bill Cipher, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Sea Shanties, M/M, Mabel Pines is Called Norman, Mild Language, Navy Officer Mabel Pines, One Shot, Overprotective Mabel Pines, Pansexual Agender Mabel Pines, Pirate AU, Pirate Bill Cipher, Pirate Dipper Pines, Protective Bill Cipher, Protective Bill Cipher that can be read as Possessive Bill Cipher, Protective Dipper Pines, Rival Pirate Captains, Rival Relationship, Sexual innuendos, Short Bill Cipher, no beta reader we die like men, sibling angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emo_sunshine42/pseuds/emo_sunshine42
Summary: Dipper looked out at the sea in front of him, sucking in the smell of the sea. It was a clear day, few clouds to be seen in the sky, and a fairly clam sea. He climbed back down the rope, returning to the wheel, letting his mind wander off as he steered the ship and let his crew do their work."Hey, Captain Pine Tree!" A voice yelled out from behind him, out at sea. He whirled around, seeing The Mindscape. Bill's ship. He growled lowly, knowing that ship and it's captain well."Bill Cipher."---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A collection of one-shots in which Dipper and Bill are rival pirate captains, Mabel is a crossdressing Navy captain, saving your partner from the law several times is a normal thing, and Mabel is Missing Her Wife.
Relationships: Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines
Comments: 28
Kudos: 29





	1. Life Ain't Nothing But A Fever Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This was to (Hopefully) get me out of writer's block for Waiting For You (my other fic, also Billdip) 
> 
> I might continue with this with more if I get writer's block again and inspiration for this.
> 
> Song that inspired it: The Pot and the Kettle by The Rumjacks

Dipper hung from the ropes of the mast, looking out over the sea in front of him, sucking in the smell of the sea. It was a clear day, few clouds to be seen in the sky, and a fairly calm sea. He climbed back down the rope, returning to the wheel, letting his mind wander off as he steered the ship and let his crew do their work.

"Hey, Captain Pine Tree!" A voice yelled out from behind him, out at sea. He whirled around, seeing The Mindscape. Bill's ship. He growled lowly, knowing that ship and its captain well

"Bill Cipher." He motioned for a plank to be lowered between the two close ships. He walked his end of the lowered plank, looking at the captain doing the same. “What’re you doing in these waters, Cipher.” He said, deadpan.

“Same thing as you, probably. Looking for the lost treasure of Stanford Pines. My only question is why you’re trying. We’re obviously going to get there first, and we know where we’re going. For we” Bill cockily held up a yellowed parchment, a large grin gracing his lips as Dipper’s eyes went wide. “Have the _only_ surviving map.” Dipper hissed under his breath. He glanced at his second next to him. A fine swordswoman, who worked in cutlasses and axes. She had a hand on the sword at her hip, ready to swing at any moment. He motioned for her to be at ease. He looked to the captain, smirking in his assholish glory, the gold accents of his shirt and coat glinting in the sun. His sun-kissed tan skin offset his blond hair, and the eyepatch over his left eye seemed to be smirking with him. He had fairly good looks, in Dipper’s opinion.

“A deal then. I get an accurate copy of the map, and in return you get a favor from me, as long as it is within what I can do. as long as it does not hurt me or mine. After that, whatever happens happens. Whoever gets Stanford’s treasure first gets it. Do we have a deal, Cipher?” He walked out to the middle of the plank, extending a hand for the opposing captain to shake. Bill walked out to the middle of the plank to stand opposite him. Dipper got a full view of the captain’s visible eye, an almost yellow hazel, and his face, sharp and angular.

“I’ll look forward to seeing you tonight for my _“favor”_ , hmm Pinetree.” Bill leaned forward and whispered in his ear, kissing the skin below his neck. Dipper shuddered, a chill running down his spine at the words. He backed off slightly, winking as Dipper fought off the oncoming blush with a glare. He took Dipper’s hand, shaking it and exclaiming loudly “It’s a deal!

Dipper walked off onto his ship, letting Bill follow as the went to his quarters. Their respective crews began to mingle, talking among themselves in the absence of their captains. Dipper brought out a roll of parchment, and Bill; the map from his pocket. Dipper dipped his pen into the ink, beginning to trace the map. Bill watched over his shoulder, quiet for the first time in his life. Dipper lost himself to the tracing of the map, Bill eventually sitting down.

* * *

Dipper looked up from the finished replica of the map, comparing the two for any errors on his part. He stretched his back, standing up and turning around, seeing Bill asleep on his bed. He scoffed, but there was no real anger behind it. He was sprawled on top of the covers, his coat lying across the nightstand. His blond hair was mussed, and his shirt slightly more undone than usual. Dipper sighed. Once Bill was out, he was out and not getting up again until morning. So, Dipper took off his boots, his coat, his bandanna, laid down next to Bill, and proceeded to fall asleep.

* * *

Bill woke up to the sun rising through a window, his head laying on a shoulder and arms rapping around him. He looked up at his sleeping sapling. He smirked, looking at his Pinetree. His hands were stained with ink, and his face was softened by sleep and the early morning light. He closed his eyes, opting to go back to sleep instead of facing the day coming. He preferred laying in the arms of his lover instead of the arms of a cold, wet grave.

Dipper’s eyes fluttered open, his soft brown eyes looking down at Bill. He smirked, bringing himself up to the point where his arms were trapping Pinetree’s head in between them.

“Good morning, sapling” Bill softly growled, licking Dipper’s neck. Dipper groaned quietly, bringing his hands up to his shoulders. He began to suck lightly on the skin under Dipper’s neck, going down to his collarbone, and leaving kisses where he went. Dipper’s hands went to Bill’s hair, urging him to continue. Bill eventually stopped his assault of Dipper’s neck, instead turning his attention on Dipper’s lips. He kissed back eagerly, allowing Bill inside of his mouth. They pulled back eventually, remembering that humans needed air in order to live, much to their annoyance.

“Morning, Bill.” Dipper said breathlessly.

“Next time, Pinetree” Bill placed another kiss on the other’s neck. “I _ruin_ you” Dipper went red, a shiver going down his spine at his words. Bill smiled; his work being done for the day; making his sapling a little bit uncomfortable. They untangled their limbs from each other, getting ready for the day ahead of them and sharing a few kisses in between inserting arms into coats and shoving of pants on.

They went back on deck together, seeing some of their crew already working. They parted ways, Bill going onto his ship and beginning the day, and Dipper taking control of his. Bill mock saluted as they sailed away, Dipper returning the gesture.

* * *

Dipper and the navigator plotted the fastest course to the spot where the treasure should be, estimating that it should take a day to get there if they started then. Dipper gave the helmsman their orders, letting his crew do their thing and overseeing them all.

Soon enough, it was around lunchtime and the sun was high. There had been nothing but choppy seas and few clouds that the lookout had spotted.

A shout came from the crow’s nest around evening, when the sun had just about dipped behind the horizon and they were in the lagoon where the treasure was hidden. There was another ship there already, one Dipper had recognized as Bill’s. He frowned slightly, worried about if they had gotten the treasure yet.

Dipper called out to the ship with no answer. He grew more concerned, worried about his lover. He asked for a small group to go to the ship and check if they were alright, and they left half an hour ago. He wrung his hands nervously, looking towards the rising moon in the East. A hand was on his shoulder, and he turned to see his second, sympathetically smiling. Dipper smiled back, looking back towards the quiet galleon.

* * *

Dipper stayed out there for the majority of the night, only going to a restless sleep when his second reprimanded him for not getting some sleep. The morning came, with Dipper not getting much rest and the rowboat still having not returned. He decided to simply sail over with several stages of rowboats. The majority of the morning was spent preparing for what they might find and getting the treasure if The Mindscape’s crew hadn’t already gotten it.

Dipper held his gun at the ready as they approached the ship. One of the crewmates in the looming ship looked over the edge at them, lending them a hand in getting on the ship. Dipper climbed over the deck, not expecting to see the receiving end of a gun pointed at his face. He reeled back, the back of his thighs hitting the rail of the ship. He looked up, seeing familiar brown eyes and short brown hair. His eyes widened and his hand went to the pistol strapped inside of his jacket.

“Mason Pines, you are hereby under arrest by the decree of the King of England.” The man at the end of the gun said steadily. Dipper couldn’t place his voice; he knew he recognized it. The soldier that he had seen peeking over the edge of the ship and several others surrounded him, making it impossible to jump into the ocean.

“I think the _fuck_ not. Under what charges.” Dipper said as calm as possible, anger would not help him here, not yet at least; softly upholstering his gun, a hand resting on his rapier as well. If worst came to worst, he could dual-wield them and take most of the soldiers surrounding him before they took him down.

“Under the charges of piracy, high treason, refusing arrest, and thievery.” He said. Dipper still couldn’t place the voice, and it infuriated him

“And what if I refuse to go with you, Mr.…”

“Norman Northwest.” Dipper frowned. Last he heard, the only male Northwest was Preston Northwest, and wasn’t Norman a potential suitor that Mabel had found out was a creep? The only heir to the Northwest family was Pacifica, and she was married to his sister. Dipper soon realized who Norman was, pulling out his gun and his sword, pointing the former at him.

“So sorry, _Norman_ , but I’m afraid we’re going to have to cut this meeting” Dipper gritted his teeth, staring down Norman. “short.” He cocked the gun, making the officer flinch visibly. “Believe me, I’d _love_ to stay and chat a bit longer, _brother dearest_ ” he ground out the words with sarcasm dripping from each letter, watching as _Norman_ flinched again. “But I’m afraid you have _my partner_ in the pile of people you _so kindly_ piled in the bow of the ship. And he is one of the _select few_ I care about” Mabel’s eyes went wide at the mention of a partner and his pronouns. She held out a hand, calming her crew, and narrowing her eyes, never once taking her eyes off of him.

“No, I think we need to chat for a bit longer, _Mason_.” So, she was equally as annoyed and pissed at him as he was her? Wonderful, that just made things easier for him. Dipper shrugged, and without giving the soldiers or Mabel a moment to breath, became a whirlwind of death, the type of death that came with years on the sea. Soon enough, all the soldiers were unconscious or dead. Dipper frowned at the blood that had spattered his shirt and coat, looking over at his sister, who still had a gun pointed at his head.

"Dipper, please. Come home. _Please_ " Dipper frowned as Mabel talked. Hell no was he going back now.

"No. I can't leave the sea, I can't leave my partner now, It's too late, Mabes." Mabel looked as if she was about to cry. He held his stoic face, holding up his gun calmly, even though it broke his heart to see his sister in pain. But he wouldn't leave Bill now. Mabel lowered her gun.

"You know I have to report this, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Just knock me out, take your partner and crew, and leave. At least then I can claim that you managed to escape, and get away with some prisoners without giving you away. You should hurry though, they aren't going to stay unconscious for forever." Dipper looked at his sister sadly. He stalked up to her, bringing the but of his gun to the back of her head quickly.

"Sorry, Mabel." He quickly grabbed Bill and his crewmates, unbinding him and telling Bill to grab some clothes and whatever items he couldn't possibly leave to be given to the King. They rowed back to his ship, him holding Bill the entire time, who curled into Dipper's arms.

As soon as they were on deck and were headed in the opposite direction of the partially-abandoned ship, Dipper's mama-bear instinct, as Mabel had called it when they were younger, kicked in, making sure nobody was injured at all and then worrying about how they _didn't know that there was a problem we could have died_. It took quite a bit of convincing on Bill's part to calm his sapling down. By the end of the day, everyone was exhausted who was involved in that situation, and Dipper fell asleep in Bill's arms.


	2. You Have Stolen My Whole Heart, Dear, from the Banks of the Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How’d you meet Bill?” 
> 
> “You remember a few years ago when I took a job on a ship?” Her jaw dropped in shock. “Guess who’s ship that was.”
> 
> “No.”
> 
> “Yes.” The smile on both of them grew.  
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Dipper talks to Mabel about Bill and why he loves him and how they met.  
> Bill's also short now. I don't make the rules.  
> Except I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's block hit again, so sorry for anyone waiting for my other fic to update. 
> 
> Inspired by The Banks of the Lee by the Longest Johns
> 
> Hope you enjoy and have a good day/evening/night!

“It appears we meet again, Mason Pines. This time, you’re coming with me.” Norman Northwest, his sister, held a pistol, pointing it at his head. He tilted his head away from the gun. “You’re unarmed, my crew has you and your crew surrounded, and you are alone. There is no one to help you.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. We’re not alone. And trust me, _Norman_. “ His eyes took on a deadly glint. “My not having weapons just make it a fair fight.” Norman’s eyes widened. Bill began taking out soldiers, taking out his fair share along with the rest of the crew. He took on Mabel, who was pulling a sword. He dodged her first few strikes, and picked up a sword from a fallen soldier. They managed to make it up to the top deck, dueling all the way.

Dipper disarmed her, and while doing so, managed to lose his own weapon. They stared at each other in shock for a few minutes, before Dipper sat down and motioned for her to sit next to him. It’d been way too long since they’d talked without a fight. His sister shrugged and sat next to him, making sure they were out of sight from anyone who could see the naval captain and the pirate sitting next to each other.

“So, Bill still hasn’t managed to get a ship of his own yet?” Dipper laughed slightly

“No, he hasn’t. I think he’s contempt to stay with us for the time being, however. It’s not like he can get a crew he trusts at Trustable-People R Us.” His sister winced slightly.

“Sorry about that. If he wants, I could tell him where they’re all being held.” She thought for a moment. “Might be a trap though. That’s entirely possible.”

“Probably is. The king would _love_ to get either of us.”

“Speaking of love” He gave his sister a short glare. He knew where this was going. “How’d you meet Bill?”

“You remember a few years ago when I took a job on a ship?” Her jaw dropped in shock. “Guess who’s ship that was.”

“No.”

“Yes.” The smile on both of them grew,

“Okay, now you have to spill. Tell me all the deets, Dip-Dop! I can promise that I” She made a button motion, as if she were sealing her lips shut. “Won’t tell a soul.” She then considered for a second. “Other than Pacifica. I can promise that she won’t tell, though.” He stared at her, sighed, and then conceded.

“Fine. So, a few weeks into that job, there was a storm, and I, who was helping with the sails at the time, went overboard. He was at the helm, and saw me go over. His dumb ass jumped off the side of the ship and went to get him.” He smiled at the memory. “Luckily, he managed to find me, and we got pulled back on board. I was unconscious, and with a bit of help from the first mate at the time, he managed to get me breathing again. I was out for a few days, and when I woke up, the captain asked if I was okay, and he made me stay in his room for a few days. After a while, he asked me out on a date, and after a while, we started dating.”

“Awwww, Dip, that’s adorable! What made you guys go to different ships?”

“After one of the navy attacks a year or so ago, I got my own crew, starting with Wendy, and then growing from there. It took some convincing for him to let me go off on my own ship, but he let me, we just go on dates once a month, and when we do meet up on the sea, we spend a night together.” It was a bit awkward, talking about his romantic life with his sister that he hasn’t seen in years, but it was fine.

“That’s adorable.” She looked sad for a moment. “I’m assuming I can’t convince you to come with me?” Dipper shook his head. Mabel sighed. “At least you won’t be alone, then. You’ll have Bill.”

“Yeah, at least.” A shout from the main deck below brought both of their attention to the mass of bodies scattered across the deck. “Well, I guess that’s my signal to end this and leave. So,” he took his hat in his hand and bowed. “my dear brother, I bid you” Before his sister could react, he pulled a hidden gun from his pocket and hit her in the back of the head with it. “Adieu.” Her unconscious body hit the deck. He made his way back to his crew, and they quickly disembarked. He called for his crew to set sail and to get as far away as they could before the navy men woke up again. He held Bill’s hand as they took control of their ship, eventually retiring to their quarters.

“Hey, Pine needle.” Bill kissed him the second they were in their cabin together, pinning him against the door. Dipper groaned into the kiss, letting Bill have his way with him. They broke for air after a few minutes, staring at each other.

“Hey, Bill.” Dipper gasped as Bill went for his neck, kissing and marking his way down to his collarbone. He groaned as Bill sucked a dark mark into the space between his neck and his shoulder.

“You” Dipper arched his back as Bill left more marks back up his neck to his jaw. “Are _mine._ ” He captured his lips in a heated kiss, and Dipper was more than willing to oblige his lover.

“Aww, was someone jealous?” Bill bit at his ear, and he gasped and arched his back, letting Bill do what he wanted.

“I don’t like people messing with what is _mine_.” Bill growled into his neck, and Dipper chuckled.

“Aww, you were! Come here” Bill pouted and kissed him again, tangling his hands in his hair and letting themselves get lost in each other.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think: was it good, was it bad, should I write more things like this, should I stop writing stuff like this? \
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated!
> 
> Have a good night!


End file.
